George Romney, Lady Hamilton as Circe
George Romney, Lady Hamilton as Circe
Today E and I had lunch at one of our favorite restaurants. My husband was off doing secret things (our anniversary, my birthday, and Mother’s Day are a 1-2-3 punch for him) so it was just the two of us. The hostess gave us the best seat in the house, a banquette with a view. Our server was the sweetest. Turns out he does infant and toddler music classes as his day job.
At one point he asked what E’s name is, so I told him. He said he hadn’t heard that a lot before, and I said we had met mostly girls with the name, and then I threw off some comment about how in the future if E decides to be a girl with that name, or a drag queen with that name, that would be fine with me, I’d still love him all the same. At which our server looked shocked, and then he said, “Stop, you’re going to make me cry, the world needs more moms like you!”
He stopped by several more times to chat and check in. Him and E were clearly enamored of each other. And then he dropped the check, but instead of a check he wrote a note that said, “You made my day, now sashay away!”
I am not telling you this to make myself seem like a great parent. All I have been able to think of all day is how many fights this poor boy must have had with his parents over his dreams and his future, and it has made me think so much about how amazing it is that we’re all entrusted with these little unformed brains that we get to mold, and what an honor and a privilege it is, and how often it can go wrong. It was such a good reminder to always be gracious and nice and caring to other humans.
It’s beginning to dawn on me, that one of the reasons so many women chose to become stay-at-home moms is because the alternatives are really, really shitty. I mean, if I’m honest, pretty much everything about being a mom is shitty in one way or another.
I’m staying home and I want to work out or maybe eat lunch? That’ll cost ya but guess what you’re broke because you’re not working!
I’m going to work and I need to leave my kid with strangers? That’ll cost ya, probably your entire salary in fact!
There’s so much pressure, and so many shitty choices. In fact, they’re just all shitty.
Obviously I’m trying to decide what to do with myself. The part-time position I have is nice, I don’t like some of the people, but isn’t that every workplace? I asked today if I should apply for the full time position, and I got the very real impression that they would rather that I not. So that leaves me in this weird place of should I or shouldn’t I?
If I do, it would cause some other really big changes to happen. And then I would be giving up on trying to create my own company. Do I want to do that? Do I want to give up basically before I’ve started? Am I just giving up on myself? Do I not believe in myself anymore? Or do I want to start my own company because it is in some way easier?
Advice worth sharing:
Some days you just have to play mediocre-mom and flip off the eyebrow raisers.
I’ve been meaning to write and post stuff for days, but it turns out that this working mother shit is HARD. I know, revelation, right? Also hard? Mastitis. Holy fuck that was awful. It took three days for the antibiotics to kick in enough that my joints and muscles stopped aching and I could lift E again. Dear lord please let me never go through that again!
We’ve also just been through our first fever, and now E has had his first food reaction. Other moms who are doing/have done baby-led weaning: How do you determine what your baby had a reaction to? Everything we ate today is stuff we’ve basically had before, but with more spices and at a restaurant (Turkish, so my guess is it was either sesame seeds (but he’s had them before) or zataar or maybe sumac). Also, are these things likely to happen again? The doctor didn’t make it seem like it, but she was also obviously in a hurry.
Anyway, life is hard, but we’re having fun. Let’s all give a big round of applause to spring. Yaaaay spring!
Why was I never offered any of these remedies??? The only option I was given was childbirth. I feel gipped.