I swear, this child has already taken so many years off my life. We went to the county fair upstate today and E choked on some juice after tipping the cup too far back. At first I thought it was normal gagging, but then he started barfing and actually turned color. Then I panicked. But, we happened to be *right* next to the 911/EMS/NYS Trooper exhibit so I ran over and by the time we got there he was back to normal. I’m still shaking and this was all about 45 minutes ago. I will never forget the look on his face. It was horrible. Horrible horrible horrible. I just can’t even. Thank god he’s fine, but I feel so guilty for letting it happen. Ugh.

So E decided he didn’t want to go to sleep until 1:30 am last night. If you promise me that will never happen again, I’ll give you a puppy. And cake. Shit, I might even start throwing hundred dollar bills at you. Way to ring in your dad’s birthday, kiddo.

Man, being a parent has totalled my ability to have patience with people who eff up my day. I just tried to go to a yoga class at my gym that is listed in their app. I get there and I am completely alone. Apparently they didn’t know anyone actually uses their app. So now, not only am I out the price of an hour of my nanny, I also don’t get my workout in and all they can say is sorry. Seriously, you really understand the cost of an hour when you’re a parent.

This was an email on one of the parenting listservs I belong to this morning. Our neighborhood is blessed with an enormous number of playgrounds, not to mention the entirety of Central Park, and yet all anyone could recommend is libraries, indoor play spaces, and bookstores. Sad face.

This was an email on one of the parenting listservs I belong to this morning. Our neighborhood is blessed with an enormous number of playgrounds, not to mention the entirety of Central Park, and yet all anyone could recommend is libraries, indoor play spaces, and bookstores. Sad face.

When I make a joke that accidentally ends up being offensive

whatshouldwecallme:

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ps - this is my life.

A Monday’s Monday

- My husband’s birthday is Friday. I can’t shake the feeling that at one point I had a really good idea for a present for him. Whether or not I ever did, it is 100% gone now and I have no ideas. Shit.

- Yoga on Saturday followed by SoulCycle on Sunday sounded like a good idea until Yoga on Saturday ended up being dedicated to headstands and handstands and SoulCycle on Sunday ended up being dedicated to riding out of the saddle. Ultimate result: I cannot walk.

- It is amazing how much leaving your purse at home (complete with diapers, wallet, and toddler snacks) can snafu your Monday. Home now, with no groceries, a hangry child, and we’re now an hour past his nap time, he just looked like he was going to go down and the building super started putting out the recycling.

So yeah, gooooooooo Monday!

Update: I had my shirt on inside out for most of the afternoon and ran I to everyone we know at the playground and no one said anything. Oy.

While we were at the playground yesterday, a bird sat in E’s stroller to eat crumbs. That’s an official rite of toddler passage, yes?

The Misadventures of a Slightly Angry Working Mom New Yorker Trying Not to Lose Her Cool

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